Random Twilight Talk
by Reading while in a Food Coma
Summary: Am making fun of twilight in my own special way.
1. Chapter 1

My first story.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (why would I!)

**Scene one**

(Bella and Edward are beside a car; Edward has his hand on the car leaning towards Bella who is pretty much lying on the floor.)

Bella: What just happened?

Edward: A car almost hit you, you should be more careful. Your lucky I was with you.

Bella: But… wait a minute you were just standing by your car.

Edward: No I wasn't! I was just talking to you.

Bella (sitting up and poking Edward): Don't lie to me! Okay?! You don't want to make me mad.

Edward: I swear I'm not lying to you.

(Bella slaps Edward)

Edward: What was that for? I just saved you!

Bella: I don't need your freaking help!!!

(Bella slaps him again) (Emmett comes in)

Emmett screams: CAT FIGHT!!!!!!

Edward: I am not a girl Emmett!

Emmett (confused): Who said you're a girl?

Edward: You did. Why Emmett... why do you have to be so mean! (pretends to sob)

Emmett: Pssh you're on crack gurl! My name is Billy Bob Joe the Third.

(Alice and Rosalie in the background talking)

Alice: Rose do you think we should help him.

Rose: Who Edward or "Billy Bob Joe the Third".

Alice: No Edward, you bimbo.

Rose: Shorty don't you know Edwards a big boy or in this case a big girl.

Edward shouts out like a little girl: Mommy!!!

(Esme comes in)

Edward: Tell them to stop making fun of me! (stomps his foot)

Esme: Edward, you should be able to handle yourself, your 109 years old. Whats wrong with you boy? (Esme puts her hand on her hip)

Emmett says in a singsong voice while running away: Eddy-poop Eddy-poop!!!!!!

Edward: I will get you Billy Bob Joe the Third!

Later that night at Bella's house

(Bella is asleep, snoring) (Emmett comes in)

Emmett: Bella, oh Bella?

Sleepy Bella: Is that you Edward?

Emmett: Yes Bella, it's me (in a girly voice)

Sleepy Bella: Oh Edward give me a kiss.

Emmett: Say what now?!

Sleepy Bella: A kiss.

Emmett: Nope, but I have a better idea (Emmett gets closer and Edward climbs in from the window)

Edward: Emmett (looks at Emmett likes he's crazy) what are you doing?

Emmett: Ahh! Elmo! Ahh! Um... spider?! UH! EDWARD!!! (hides in Bella's closet)

Edward: Emmett don't make me ask again.

Emmett: I can't hear you, I'm blocking my mind.

Edward: Barney's a dude in a costume.

(Emmett comes out of the closet)

**AN:** Now that i think about it... thats so gay.

Emmett: How can you say that! **Lies**! All **LIES**! (starts to throw Bella at Edward)

Edward: Do you want me to call Rose.(Taking Bella from Emmett)

Sleepy Bella: Mario, is that you darling? No more mushrooms please.

Emmett mouths to Edward: Mario

(Edward shugs)

Edward wishpers: Leave. Now.

Emmett: Why? So you, Bella, and Mario can have some time alone. I don't think so.

Edward: There is no Mario you pansy.

Emmett gasps: How can you say that?

Edward: Pansy

Emmett gasps again and again, while he does that he falls out the window sceaming "I'm coming for you barney." Suddenly there is a loud crashing noise.

Emmett: I'm okay!

Edward: No duh. Were vampires, we can't die from falling out the window. Durh!

Emmett (mocking tone): Oh really? I thought we drank animal blood for FUN!

THE END OR NOT IF I FEEL LIKE IT

GOSH!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews

For a friend who always says RAWR!

Chapter 2

Emmett (sneaks up on Edward): Rawr…Rawr…RAWR!!

Edward: Stop it Emmett!!

Emmett: Why?

Edward: Because it's annoying.

Emmett: But… (starts to cry)

(Emmett runs aways)

(Alice comes in)

Edward: What did I do?

Alice: You hurt his feelings. Duh.

Edward: What...Rawr?

Alice: Yes?

Edward: Why is it so bad?

Alice: You don't know what rawr is?

Edward: NO!

Alice: Okay, stop PMSing dude or is it dudette?

Edward: I am not on my period!

Carlisle (walking past them): Yes, you are Eddie.

Edward: Daddy!

Alice: You know what? Forget it. You'll never understand!

Edward (whiny viouse): Tell me Alice! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!

Alice: Rawr means--

Jasper (shouts from other room): ALICE!

Alice: Gotta go!

Edward: No! Come back! I need to know!

Edward (in his mind): _Gosh, will __**I **__ever know what rawr is? Why do people kept calling me Eddie. I need to find the person who started it. Maybe it was Bella! *gasp* No! Emmett!_

(Rose comes in)

Rose: You fracking daisy picker! What the fudge is wrong with you boy! You think its ok to hurt Emmett so he comes running to_** me**_ in hysterics while_**I am**_ having _**MY ALONE TIME!**_

(Edward pees his pants)

Edward: I tol…hi...tha…uh…

Rose: Spit it out already!

Edward: ItoldhimRAWRwasannoying

Rose: Why did you go and do that?!

Edward: Because! It was annoying! Dur!

Rose: Do you even know what it means?

Edward: No

Rose: It means "I love you" in dinosaur.

Edward: Aw…**EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?!**

Rose: Maybe because he loves his little brother. Hello? Are you really that dense?

Edward: Cute, but still weird.

Rose: In no way is it weird. Go apologize to him! _**NOW!**_

Edward: Gosh! Fine!

(Edward walks to Emmett's room)

(Emmett is talking to his Barney and ginormous collection of care bears)

Emmett: Oh, Barney I love you (hugs Barney). No sunshine I don't love you. You cheated on me with Rainbow Bright! Stop it, I said no it can never go… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Emmett: **What are you doing here during my **_**SPECIAL TIME**__**?**_

Edward: Special time?

Emmett: Yes Edward, my special time.

Emmett: Where my best friends and I hang out.

Edward: Can I hang out?

Emmett: NO!

Edward: Why not?

Emmett: You said that Rawr (starts to cry again) was annoying

Edward: I'm sorry Emmett

(Edward touches Emmett on his right shoulder but he pushes him away)

Emmett: No, don't touch me!

Edward: Will Barney make you feel better? (Reaches for Barney)

Emmett: DON'T TOUCH _**MY**___BARNEY, OR I WILL CUT YOU!

Edward (defensive): Okay, I won't touch him.

Emmett: You better not!

Edward: Please Emmett I feel bad. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?

Emmett (mad scientist vioce): Anything?

Edward: Yes Emmett.

(Emmett starts to laugh evilly)

Edward: OH NO!

Emmett: OH YES!

Till next time! Ciao!

What will Emmett do? Is Barney the gayest dinosaur to ever exist? Will we ever see the day Bella will die? But most importantly why is Jasper being so secretive?

All this and more will be answered when ever I feel like! Peace! Love! Smiley face! And Gummy Bears!

Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Special chapter for the release of NEW MOON *glares at it* the second edition in the horrible twilight MOVIE series. Sorry peeps, but the books still rock!

Chapter Three

*Somewhere in the PBS Studios

(Emmett is humming the Barney song)

Edward: Emmett, what are we doing here?

Emmett: What do you think eddie?

Edward: Um… I positive you're planning to steal something. Perhaps Lala? Or… Barney!

Emmett: Maybe.

Edward: Well…then what is it?

Emmett: Were here.

Edward: What? Where?

Emmett: The **Maker** of dreams, the **God **of Imagination Land!

Edward: Someone's craaazy.

Emmett: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

*Emmett and Edward enter the studio*

Edward: What are we looking for?

Emmett: We are looking for something sacred.

Edward: You mean you want to go inside the Barney set, wear the Barney suit, pretend you're him, and you want to video tape it so you can watch forever.

Emmett: Exactly.

Edward: NO!

Emmett: Please Eddie or else Jasper wins!

Edward: Jasper wins what?

Emmett: Nothing

*They go inside the Barney set*

Emmett (starts to cry): Were here… I never thought I would make it. (starts making a speech like he just won an award) I would like to thank my mommy. I would like to thank Elmo for nominating me and for being so RED! And most of all I would like to thank my Barney bear for helping me through the hard times.

Edward: You know we could have just taken a tour?

Emmett (pretends to not hear Eddie): Omg! This is where Jim lost his ball and Barney sang that song

**A.N.** I'm just making this up I don't watch Barney…anymore.

Emmett: This is where Laura fell and Barney sang that other song!

Edward (annoyed): Does Barney always sing a song?

Emmett: Shut Up!

Edward: Sorry Princess…

Emmett: Kiss my royal ass!

Edward: Oh God No!

Emmett: I just hit the mother load *Squeals'*…This is where Barney sings THE I LOVE YOU SONG!

Emmett: I love youuuu, you love meeeeeee, lets get together and-

Edward: Stop singing and start doing what ever you need to do, so we can leave!

Emmett: Right-o eddy-poo!

*Emmett goes to the backroom*

Edward (speaking to himself): How did I get myself into this?

Emmett (singsong voice): I'm ready.

Edward: Will this madness ever end?

*Emmett comes out in a Barney Suit*

Edward: That's a… no…okay… are you ready…1 2 3 action.

Emmett: Wait

Edward: What now?

Emmett: I'm missing something

Edward: Yeah your balls and a brain!

Emmett: Not that! ...Oh I know now. (all cutesy) Oh eddie!

Edward: What?!

Emmett: Can you do me a favor?

Edward: NO!

Emmett: You owe me Princess remember.

Edward: Fine. What do you want?

Emmett: I need you to dress up like John.

Edward: John who?

Emmett: That's not important, just do it!

*Edward goes to change into John*

Emmett (speaking to himself sinisterly): Let see who wins now Jasper!

Edward: What did you say Emmett?

Emmett: Oh nothing. Are you ready?

Edward: Yes.

Emmett: Okay so we are going to videotape you and I singing the "I Love You" song. O-k? Ok.

Edward: But I don't know the lyrics!

Emmett: Just read my mind.

*Emmett starts recording*

*They finish singing*

Emmett: That was awesome!

*Jasper suddenly appears*

Jasper: You'll never win Emmett!

Emmett: Just you see Jasper Hale!

Jasper: Oh I'm watching you.

*He leaves*

Emmett: God what a douche.

Edward: What's going on? Why am I always the last to know.

Emmett: Come on Eddy. We got things to do.

The End for Now!

What are Jasper and Emmett up to? Will Edward find out or will he be kept in the shadows? Tune in next time! On the FanFiction channel!

Making _**YOUR**_ dreams come true! 24/7!


	4. Chapter 4

Check out my friends iWolfGirl story THE MANY SIDES OF EMMETT CULLEN.

.net/s/5873833/1/

Sorry peeps for the really late update. I keep forgetting how to update a chapter on here so it took awhile. Hehe.

Chapter 4

*Emmett and Jasper are fighting*

Emmett: LET IT GO! YOU PANSY IT'S_** MINE**_!

Jasper: You are _**SUCH**_ a liar!

Emmett: BUTTPICKER!

*Jasper gasps*

Jasper: How can you say that?!

Emmett: Easily like this, BUuuTtPICcccKER!

*Emmett smirks*

Jasper: Well… you're a… a…

Jasper (in a little girl voice): MOMMY!

Emmett (freaks out): NO! Shut up Jasper. Mom is going to kill me!

Jasper: Okay. I won't call mom… Oh ROoooOSE!

*Emmett runs away*

Emmett (inner thoughts):_ I got to find a place to hide from Rose…no too small… nope to dirty…OH! Perfect! Nobody would find me here…_

Edward: Think again.

(Dundundunduuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

*Emmett screams like a little girl*

Emmett: How did you find me?

Edward (matter of factly): This is my room.

Emmett: Reeally?

*looks around*

Edward: Yes.

Emmett: Weird! I always thought you came in here to…to… (wink wink)

Edward: GROooSs!

Emmett: Hey don't blame a bro for going that way.

Edward: Seriously? Seriously?!

Emmett: Yeah, you're my big bro.

Edward: Aww thanks.

*Emmett picks up a book*

Emmett: Cool, what's this?

Edward (mumbles): My diary.

Emmet amused: You keep a diary? What a girl.

Edward: I thought I was your big bro.

Emmett: More like big sis.

Edward angry: I am not a girl, how many times do I have to say that.

Emmett: Wow, is it that time of the month already.

*Huge crash, followed by screaming*

Rose: HE SAID WHAT!!

Emmett (terrified): Hide me!

*Emmett hides behind Edward*

*Rose breaks down the door with her fist*

Rose: EMMETT BILLY BOB JOE THE 13TH CULLEN! GET YOUR COJONES OVER HERE!

*Emmett runs away while Rose follows him*

Rose: You _**PIECE**_ of Doggie Doo I'm going to rip your whole gay doll collection apart and feed it to the bears you _**ASSHOLE**_.

Emmett (outraged): BARNEY ISN'T GAY!

Rose: I don't care if he's **gay **or** not** I'm going to kill him!!!

Emmett: Porque Maria?! I did nothing!

Rose: Don't you dare lie to me! You said you prefer redheads!

Emmett (horrified): I would never say that!

Rose: Yes you did, you told Jasper… (Figures out) JASPER!

Alice: Run for the hills baby!

*Jasper runs for the hills followed by a crazy blonde*

*Edward looks at watch*

Edward: Only three o'clock.

**FOUR HOURS LATER**

*Jasper limping into house*

Alice: Oh my poor jazzy-poo.

*Rose enters looking smug*

Rose: Oh none of that poop baby crap, he got what he deserves.

Alice: No he didn't.

Rose: What_** Tinkerbell**_, you want to go too.

Alice: My name is_** ALICE**_; get that though your pea size brain.

Edward, Emmett, and Jasper: Oh snap!

*Alice and Rose fight*

Jasper: CATFIGHT!

Emmett: Meow!

*Edward looks at watch*

Edward: Hmm… 7:13 and to think this all started with a little fuzzy green ball.

THE END

Vampires go crazy over little fuzzy green balls! I know I do *playing with little fuzzy green balls*

*DON"T THINK WRONG* O_o


End file.
